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I would like to take this moment to write how sorry I am to hear about the passing of Bert Keirle who sadly lost a battle to cancer.
Although in recent years I had lost contact with Bert, Christine and family it was a shock to see the annoucement.
Sorry that I could not have attended the funeral, but not in Weston super Mare anymore.
I have copied the annoucements here, so that it will always be floating in cyberspace.
I thought that I would write this, incase someone is copeing with a loss, either a human being or an animal. I have seen a lot of relatives die of cancer or old age and I honestly never thought that death would hit me so hard again but.
Upon haveing to play God with my dogs life and having him put to sleep, as he was reasonably the only family that I had left that cared for me, and I cared for him, things are harder than when I said goodbye to my nan.
With a human being, they can say that they want to go, that they are tired, but with an animal, sadly they cannot. My dogs heart was beating about 200 beats per minute, with a low pulse and with white gums, the vet advised for him to be put to sleep now, otherwise he would die a horrible chokeing death before having a heart attack.
Hearing this, my mind shut off, because I did not want to hear this, and I certainly did not want him to go like this. The month of May had already seen one loved one pass away, my nan, and when she passed away she seemed to be at peace.
Having Murphy put to sleep was different though, I knew that the end had to come at some point, and I had always thought that it would come before it did, but I gave him a fighting chance and he pulled through the first time, this time, I thought that maybe it was time for him to go.
After a time agonising over what was best for him, as soon as I said ok do it, I had to walk out, at the time, that was what I thought was best for me, as I could not see my friend being put too sleep, but in some respects, I think that he knew that it was his time as well.
When she had brought him back in, she uncovered the towel that he was wrapped in, and his limp body was there and his eyes was open, I could not cope with that and told her to cover him over.
She asked me if she wanted her to carry him to the car but I said no thanks, that I would do it. The most shocking thing was because you are so used to picking up a dog and he has strength in his body, this time though it was like carrying a dead chicken, where it’s head flops to one side.
This was scarey enough to carry him to the car, upon getting him home, he was laid in his basket and covered in his blanket, but not fully covered, a resting place was dug for him and he was wrapped in his blanket, his lead and a cuddly toy was placed in his grave so that if there is an after life, then I hope that we will be together once more.
Being able to see where he is burried is a good and a bad thing, at first it was good to be able to go out and sit with him, and talk to him, but as soon as the bad weather hit, and it started raining my inital thoughts was thats my friend, my child, my baby in the ground and I wanted to go out and cover his grave and not to let him get wet, other feelings have been of buying a tupperware box thing, and putting his body in there, but then that preserves him for such a time and what is the point of that.
I had thought for a long while about having him stuffed, but then you think that his chest gets cut open, his organs gets removed, he gets stuffed and bang he is there all the time and that is not really how you want to remember your beloved pet.
I miss putting on my shoes or jacket, and bang he was at the door wanting to go out, or the fact that I could walk him off his lead and hear his footsteps behind me plodding along. Inital reactions are looking back when walking, or when someone is coming to the door, to step up to hold him back so he does not attack someone whom comes through the door.
Having been around dogs for 38 years of my life, these 13 years of his and my life, have been the most intense that I have ever had with an animal, before hand it was a family dog, but he became my own and trying to get used to not having to depend upon him, or him depend upon me is a big thing.
Part of me wants to get another dog to replace that needing, to be loved and to give love to someone who depends upon you, but in other aspects I have not had a holiday since I was 14 years of age, not a proper one, and certainly not the past thirteen years as I felt guilty about kennels and had no one too look after him, even leaving him for a few hours was too much sometimes.
Like all deaths, in time things pass by and you get used to the fact that someone is gone, but I never find that tea and sympathy does any good, and sometimes loseing a defenless animal, is more heart wrenching than loseing a human being from cancer.
Times like these though, you hope that their is an after life and that you do end up seeing your loved ones again.
Today May 24th at approx 9am, Murphy, the best dog in the World that you could ever wish for, was put to sleep on instructions from the vet. Once more what should be a happy week for me has been added to with more grief.
23rd saw my nans birthday, now the 24th sees the passing of my friend, 25th my birthday, and 26th was the passing of my nan.
With some sad regret Mark Speight was found dead around 10am at Paddington train station.
Mark had a reasonably bright future but due to his trappings of fame and money, this became too much.
We would like to pass on our wishes and we wish that there was more that we could say.
Regards
A fellow Mark
We have now set up a silent tribute to Jill Dando. As a Westonian, I felt saddened that there was no permant memorial to her. The website is a personal project that will take time to build up, but it will be completed.
The Jill Dando website is a non commercial website, and no adverts or other commercial ventures will be launched. The website is paid for from private money and will never be sold for personal gains.
At first we was going to launch with the attention of the press, but after much consideration, as Jill was mainly a private person, then a silent tribute was how we wanted to go.
We mourn for one of own, Jill loved Weston super Mare, and her memories. It was a sad and a tragic loss and we hope that in the end we can build up a website that will celebrate her life and her loves.
God bless Jill.
You can pay your respects at www.jilldando.co.uk